When a friend recently asked me if happiness was something I sought, I paused. Not because I hadn’t thought about it, but because I experience happiness differently than most definitions suggest. For me, happiness isn’t something I chase or wait for; it’s a state I tend to. It’s a process—quiet, steady, and deeply rooted.
In the Western psychological framework, happiness is often described as a form of “positive affect,” a response to favorable life events or external achievements. Jordan McKenzie distinguishes happiness as the experience of pleasurable emotions, especially in response to progress toward goals or major milestones—like getting married or receiving a job offer. Contentment, on the other hand, is described as “positive reflection” and can exist even in hardship. It is more internal, stable, and less dependent on circumstances.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary offers further insight, defining happiness as “a state of well-being and contentment,” while also including more temporary or situational meanings, such as “a pleasurable or satisfying experience.” This duality—happiness as both a stable state and a fleeting feeling—can lead to confusion. Am I happy because I feel joy in this moment? Or am I happy because I feel whole, even when life is uncertain?
Dr. Paul Ekman, a renowned psychologist and pioneer in the study of emotions and facial expressions, adds another layer to this discussion. His collaboration with the Dalai Lama, particularly in the book Emotional Awareness, explores the cultivation of compassion and emotional balance as paths to long-lasting happiness. Ekman distinguishes between momentary emotional states and enduring traits, noting that while emotions like joy or sadness are fleeting, emotional balance and inner calm can be nurtured over time.
Ekman’s work with the Facial Action Coding System (FACS) has also shown that our facial expressions are not just reflections of our emotions—they can also influence them. This insight reinforces the idea that happiness isn’t purely reactive or circumstantial; it’s something that can be cultivated through self-awareness, mindfulness, and conscious emotional regulation.
In Islam, the concept of happiness (sa‘ādah) is rooted in alignment with divine purpose. The Qur’anic framework doesn’t separate the emotional from the spiritual. True happiness comes not from favorable conditions, but from a sound heart and a fulfilled soul. The highest form of happiness is not emotional excitement, but rather the tranquility of the soul that has submitted to its Creator—the nafs al-muṭma’innah (the soul at peace).
In a powerful shift from the Western focus on pleasure and achievement, Islamic teachings emphasize purification of the self (tazkiyah) as the path to well-being. This includes ethical conduct, sincere worship, and inner discipline. Contentment (riḍā) becomes a spiritual station, not a fallback from happiness, but its truest, most enduring form.
Looking at my own life, I recognize that what I experience most often is contentment—a sense of inner alignment and quiet joy that persists regardless of external highs and lows. I might not always be excited or smiling, but I feel rooted. I feel whole.
Maybe happiness, then, isn’t something we pursue like a prize. Maybe it’s something we nurture. Something we return to. Not a destination, but a practice.
And maybe, through that lens, I can say: I am happy. Not because life is perfect, but because my heart is at ease.
Resources & References
- Contentment vs. Happiness — Berkeley Well-Being Institute
- Merriam-Webster Definition of Happiness — Merriam-Webster Dictionary
- The Idea of Happiness in the Qur’an — Yaqeen Institute
- Jordan McKenzie’s Analysis — Referenced in academic discussions of contentment vs. happiness (McKenzie, 2015)
- Paul Ekman & the Dalai Lama — Ekman’s collaborative work with the Dalai Lama explores enduring emotional balance and the cultivation of compassion as foundational to lasting happiness. See: Emotional Awareness: Overcoming the Obstacles to Psychological Balance and Compassion.
- Emotions Revealed — Dr. Paul Ekman’s exploration of how recognizing and understanding our emotions can help us live with more control and clarity. Emotions Revealed on Amazon
- Unmasking the Face — A detailed guide by Dr. Ekman and Wallace Friesen on reading facial expressions and microexpressions. Unmasking the Face on Amazon
- Facial Action Coding System (FACS) — Developed by Dr. Paul Ekman to categorize human facial expressions; supports research into emotional authenticity and emotional regulation. Learn more at Paul Ekman Group
